Jeannette van Uffelen

Full of shame I am for details nobody cares about. Almost everyone feels a shame for something. And often about details, nobody else notices. For example, I still don’t look like the perfect woman I visualized and affirmed years ago. But will there be someone who’s ever thinking about that, except me?

Easily I walk around naked at the beach and into the sea. I don’t feel ashamed. Because everybody is actually naked and all we dress up with is cover up, make-able and interchangeable, except your own naked body.

Who made me believe I had to be ashamed for anything anyhow? Shame is a very uncomfortable and annoying feeling that can show up at any moment. I am a fast thinker with a creative mind and a tattler, calling deviating blurbs, not always receiving an understanding response.

But there’s no reason for shame, because I do what I can and know quite sure that most of my life I’ve been doing the best I can. Well, at high school I didn’t very well, because I was totally bored by the nonsense we had to learn. But I’ve been working heard all my life and I still do.

Where does this uncomfortable shame come from? Or shyness that bothers us from such young age? We read it in the bible, Adam and Eve, the fall out of paradise. And in Anderson's The emperor's new clothes, an absorbing fairy tale about shame and acting as if. Is the shame sitting in our DNA and if so, how did that happen? Are we tinkered including emotions, by which we do make or keep ourselves smaller?

So why the shame?

Where does this uncomfortable shame come from? Or shyness that bothers us from such young age? We read it in the bible, Adam and Eve, the fall out of paradise. And in Anderson’s The emperor’s new clothes, an absorbing fairy tale about shame and acting as if. Is the shame sitting in our DNA and if so, how did that happen? Are we tinkered including emotions, by which we do make or keep ourselves smaller?

And that affirming and visualizing of a body that looks different than the one I have? How weird is it that I want to have a different body than the one I have, while I am super healthy and have a strong body, perferctly and all included? I hear it so often in my daily practice. And I’ve been raised with it.

My mother curls her hair since she was 12 years old, because to her opinion straight hair isn’t good enough. She always checks the weather, because rain is bad for her curly hair. and I have straight hair, so she kept it short. “You looked so cute with short hair.” That’s true, I have the photos. But when I was about 10 I wanted long hair and got 2 full tales. I still have straight hair and it’s a lot. there’s nothing wrong with it, when you don’t care about curls. My mother went on diets, while she was not fat. My older sister as well and so did I. And when I see the photo below I really don’t understand why.

“I was looking at a photo of myself 10 years ago and wanted to look like then, when I remembered that at that time of the photo I also wanted to look like 10 years earlier.”
(participant in training)
At 15 years old I already had all kinds of judgements about my body. I hated my glasses and thought I had a big butt. For years I've tried to change that. Never tried to change the judgement, but the physical body. Which is totally impossible!
My healthy and sportive young body

Since I was 4 years old I was into gymnastics. I loved to hang upside down in the rings or made handstands and cartwheels on and on. I never had any complains about my physical condition and still am limber, even if I don’t try to. On the photo above I’m 15 and now I remember that in those days I already had all kinds of judgements about my body. I hated my glasses and thought I had a big butt. For years I’ve tried to change that. Never tried to change the judgement, but the physical body. Which is totally impossible!

Shame creates loneliness

Shame isolates and makes you feel lonely. When I believe there’s something wrong with me, I exclude myself. Than I think I don’t fit in. Than I isolate myself. Sometimes I don’t even realise I’m doing it, because I believe they are doing it to me: the others, the outer world.

And with all the divide-and-conquer going on in the world this is exactly what I should not do. And neither should you. Especially not now.

Do you sometimes escape from this uncomfortable feeling? Do you distract yourself with candies, wine, watching TV, YouTube, eating, diversion, anaesthesia? And do you feel ashamed afterwards for yourself, your behaviour, your laziness, your weakness or your much too visible body?

Right now the mutual division comes raw to the surface. There’s division amongst family members, friends, parents and children, partners, collegaues, neighbours and strangers on the streets.

While people need each other badly. We cannot live without each other and that’s why we can’t stand isolation, even when we organise it ourselves. Shame is old and it sits deep.

Let it go

But how different would your life be when you wouldn’t feel a shame for being fat? When you could tell your neighbor that your child is on drugs? Imagine that you could tell your business club pals that you don’t succeed? Or that someone doesn’t want you anymore? And that everybody may know that you have financial worries? Or that you actually don’t know it?

But how different would your life be when your wouldn't feel a shame for being fat? When you could tell your neighbor that your child is on drugs? Imagine that you could tell your business club pals that you don't succeed? Or that someone doesn't want you anymore? And that everybody may know that you have financial worries? Or that you actually don't know it?
Letting it all go in the ice cold winter sea. End of December 2020

How nice when you dare to tell someone what’s bothering you. And you can connect with each other, even though there are differences. How nice when you don’t have to hide your sadness, guild or anger! Because as long as we put it away, distract or numb ourselves we don’t solve anything.

To let go of something you first have to see it, hold it, look at it. Do you know what you are hiding? Do you want to connect with others again? Don’t wait for the other, but make the first step.

Maybe I can help you? Make an appoint for a free session, where you can ask me anything.

Or check out my online training My imperfect body. This training is meant for people, who NEVER want to diet again – something you should not want, because it is super unhealthy – and who don’t want to suffer in the gym.

Everybody is welcome for online sessions. No new rules!
Welcome! Also without test or vaccine

Sea swimming, no matter the weather. YES, it is much easier when the weather is warm and the sea is the Pacific Ocean. But I’m happy to live close to the shore and can be at the beach in 15 minutes from my house.

The North Sea is rough and most of the time it is impossible to lay down and surrender for a swim, because you’re drawn away by the undercurrent and than it’s a hell of a job to get back. So better not try it! I’m tough in the water and not scared at all, but I know this sea and I know she’s a dangerous force.

And after they created the Sandmotor it became even worse. When it’s summer the temperature is fine. To get used to the water is always challenging, but when you’re IN it’s amazing. Even though in case it’s impossible to swim, because of the force, I love to be there.

With seafreak Kim Jewell at Kailua Beach Hawaii

Of course it’s nice when the sea allows you to lay down and swim and play. I respect and I fear the force of the sea. All through the years I live here, which is most of my life, we’ve been hearing and reading the news of people, drawn here. You don’t need to go deep, it’s just the force that pulls you back in and makes it impossible to reach the shore. Not only for little children, especially strong young men have been surprised and caught.

No matter the weather

I dip and dive into the sea all through the year, even in winter when it’s freezing. I’ve learned how to prepare, what clothes to wear and how to dry myself in a fast way. And I’ve learned to walk back fast enough to get warm again on my way home, because otherwise I can’t get my feet warm anymore at all during the day. And that’s no good and no fun.

#seaswimmers #lovethesea Zakynthos, Greece, Litô Kampiotis, Jeannette van Uffelen, sea
With seafreak Litô in Zakynthos, Greece

Yes, the start is difficult. Before you come to the joy part there is the body that needs to get used to the temperature. When the sea is too strong you have to do everything slowly and you can’t just throw yourself into the cold, which I prefer; just drop myself down and surrender. I love to swim, but when the current is strong you better stay on both legs.

Anyway, no matter the weather or what is possible or isn’t, being into the sea ALWAYS energises me and makes me feel strong and ALIVE. And when I’m done and dry again, sometimes almost frozen, because I love the beauty, the challenge and the solitude at the beach in wintertime and tend to stay too long, I always feel GOOD and so much better than before.

More sea swimmers every year

I(t) need(s) some courage to go in the sea at home or in Norway in the winter. But nowadays we have science (whatever that means) to prove us the health benefits of challenging your body to the cold. When I was a child I remember that our family doctor was known and admired for his daily seaswimming habit.

For sure for me this is something that WORKS, so I DO IT. It’s worth the effort and so am I.

If you want to respond? You can use the box below.

sea, seaswimming, #sealovers #seaswimmers #winterswimming
Seafreak in december in Cyprus

Singing, I’ve done it since very young. My grandmother sang or whistled a lot and she taught me so many songs, of all kinds, in different languages. And I sang them long before I understood the words.

Singing is just a natural habit and I never paid attention to how I really did it, nor thought it was something special, until my boyfriend told me to do something with that voice. And he arranged lessons for me, when I was about 25 years old. Until now, once in a while I take some lessons.

Singing feels good

I’ve been singing all my life, just because it feels good, to express myself, to entertain, just on my own or for an audience. In choirs, solo, as leadsinger in a band, at home, in the bathroom (of course!), at the beach, in the mountains, in churches, at parties, weddings and funerals. I sing with great joy and love to give it all (whatever it is) in a song.

Raoul Boesten, sing, singing, healthy, it's good for you
Singing with Raoul in a monastery

From August 2015 until the end of May 2019 I sing in Chamber choir Lux, founded by my favorite conductor and friend Raoul. I’ve been participating in many of his choirs and projects since he started his first choir many years ago

Getting used to it

Through the years my neighbours and colleagues got used to it and they have been (positively) commenting on my singing. Many times I’m not even really aware that I am singing, I just do it, often, everywhere, not really consciously.

Health benefits of singing

At first I tried to cancel it, but finally I showed up in a wheelchair in april 2017, just after I had broken my ankle. And although it was weird, I’m happy I did it.

singing, kamerkoorlux.nl, kamerkoor lux den haag, wheelchair, singing in a chair, sitting position when singing

I was well supported by the choir, they took care of me, lifted me up (literally as well, to get me there). It took me a year to stand, walk and feel fit enough to get back to the rehearsals.

After training all muscles, especially on the left part of my body, for months I wasn’t too busy with the fact that vocal cords are muscles as well.

That’s the next thing to do. Get it all back and sing on the level I was used to do. Or better.

It never took so much effort. Now it does, but I appreciate it a lot to be back. I mean, just every Wednesday evening I have the joy to listen to 16 men singing. Or only the sopranos, the tenors, the bass. Or only us. And singing together, improving and playing with the tones and our voices. It’s good!

Just focus on WHAT WORKS, to creation and to bringing more joy into the world. Find your way, a way, any way to EXPRESS yourself, to breath deep and to enjoy life. Singing had, by the way, a good influence on my breathing and using my voice, which is good for public speaking and for training groups.

I sing …  just because.

kamerkoor lux, singing, chamberchoir lux, jeannettevanuffelen.com
Lux in 2018

Before I had this job as a Stress Release Specialist and this website (jeannettevanuffelen.com) I had a life and did some things. For the curious people I will tell you some more about myself and about what is or was important to me in my life.

I was born and raised in The Hague, The Netherlands. I left my hometown when I was 20 years old (to work in a psychiatric hospital) and came back 10 years later. I have spent some years in Greece, but never permanently lived there. Now I’m mainly based in The Hague, because it’s a good place to live, close to the sea and I have friends and family here. I parttime work abroad, because I also have friends and clients all over the planet and love to travel.

ondernemersprijs Haaglanden, chairman of the jury, entrepeneursaward, The Hague, business activity

I’m a writer, public speaker, certified trainer, ICT specialist, stress release specialist, advanced level 4 Faster EFT (Eutaptics) practitioner, thetahealer, iconpainter, certified conversational hypnotherapist and singer. I’ve worked in different compartments, like: mental healthcare, crisis intervention centres (for people who escaped from domestical violence), the council for the protection of children, information and communication technologie corporates, professional education for youngsters and adults. Since 2003 I’m an entrepreneur.

My greatest teacher

Most of all I still feel like the girl who follows her heart and approaches life as an opportunity for growth. The best opportunity for learning, growth and love was being the mother of my amazing daughter, who was born in 1996. She’s an adult now.

The child inside

I’ve been taking care of more children than just my own and always loved to have children and youngsters around. They keep me alert, flexible, open minded and connected to the child inside me.

In my career I’ve always had a place to work with children and youngsters and now I offer training to adolescents to deal with the stress in their final schoolyear and final exams. It’s a short training in stress release and I teach them how to use inspiring selftalk and tapping to relax.

Inner stillness

By the years I’m taking more time to be still, to paint and to write. Those things I also did a lot when I was a child and it feels good. The results are sometimes appreciated, which is nice and good, but for me the process of doing it is the goal and just enough.

In this menu (my blogs/before this) I give a brief collection of my activities in the past and some are still actual. I share my thoughts and experience in my blogs and vlogs.

In case you want to contact me, please respond below or mail me at: hallo@jeannettevanuffelen.com.