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Why am I resistant to change?

Why am I resistant to change? What is holding me back, while the way I act is bothering me so much? Do I actually not want to change?

I hear this question a lot and I notice that people get angry on themselves, because ‘something’ is not changing fast enough and/or because they are repeating themselves again and again.

Maybe it is not resistance to change at all? But the question we actually should ask is: Why do so many of us want to stay in alignment with what we hold? And the answer to that might be: because it helped us to survive. This way we’re playing it safe. It might not be true that you don’t want to change, but you just want to be safe.

If you got resources inside yourself, telling you: ‘It’s not safe to be different’, those resources will keep you inline. And those resources are unconsciously. Think of a little baby that ends up in a certain structure, where it has everything to stay alive. This way of living is all it knows: This is live, this is the world, this is how it is.

Outside the (familiar) lines

And than comes a moment this child is growing up and doing something ‘different’, steps ‘outside the lines’ and gets beaten up (not literally per se, it might be just a look or a frown) by mum, dad, sister, brother, auntie, granddad; at home, on the street, at school. And when that happens (a few times) she or he will take care of staying in alignment henceforth to be safe again. This happens before and faster than we realise it.

How and when you’ve decided to stay in alignment, you forget. You just do it automatically, it’s almost an instinctive response to be safe. But there were reasons and you’ve made your conclusions. You might have been ‘cut short’ to protect you. Or you were beaten, because the one that beat you didn’t know any other way. They loved you the way they were loved. Your mother probably was very fearful herself, for whatever what reason. Do you know it? Often we don’t. And does it mean anything about you? No. However, don’t you think it’s time to let go of all this and make room for yourself, your talents, your dreams and ideals? Yes, of course you do.

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It’s safe to change

The best way to change this alignment is to go to all the alignment pieces in your mind and change them one by one¹. And than, all of a sudden, you naturally start to move in a different alignment, the lines dissolve and you start to go your own direction.

My life is normal, this is what I’ve always been like, according to me right now. But somewhere I do remember that I used to be different and that  I had problems. Because today my essence is different than before and that’s the result of clearing up old beliefs about myself, the world and live. Oh yes, I’ve changed. I am lovelier, funnier and easier. And so is my live. Somedays it’s just live and that’s fine as well.

When you start doing this kind of work and change your memories, you might ruin your identity completely. You will no longer be that worthless piece of shit, that good-for-nothing, pantywaist, fatty or name it, that still defines your selfimage. Your personality will change and it is possible you become more succesfull than you’ve ever dared to dream of. So be warned!

Resistant or fear of being happy?

Allow yourself to see what you don’t allow yourself to see.
(Milton Erickson)

You’re probably just like your mother², you act like your mother, even though you say you hate her and you’re resistant to be like her. You replay and rewatch these memories over and over again and you still believe it. And you complain about your problems, just like your mum. Or you silently drink them away, just like your dad.

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You have to change the rules yourself

I don’t believe you don’t want to change, you just want to be safe. That’s why you keep on doing like everyone at home does, just like your mother.

But you can change the rules and that you have to do yourself. To change the rules means: you go to your mother and you look after her. You heal your mother, inside you. Is it really your mother? NO, your mother is not even here. That is the key. You have to address your stuff and transform whatever it is you’re holding within you, for you and against you. You’re not broken. You are more than your story, your history (herstory), more than your body, more than your mind and conclusions. You can change it all.

You are unlimited consciousness and at the same moment you are just a human being. Nothing special. (Why the hack should we all be special, rich, famous and happy all the time? But that’s another blog.) You’re doing a good job. You may not like the current results. If you want to change the results you’ve got to change what you holding in and start acting from a different set of rules. inside. And it’s up to you to define the rules.

¹   Cleaning up doesn’t need months. On the contrary, a lot can be done in some hours, because you don’t need to tell it all. How often have you told your stories? And did it bring you anything? Better not! In this method that’s not necessary. This works faster.

²   Mother can be replaced by: father, sister, brother, teacher, etc.

Singing, I’ve done it since very young. My grandmother sang or whistled a lot and she taught me so many songs, of all kinds, in different languages. And I sang them long before I understood the words.

Singing is just a natural habit and I never paid attention to how I really did it, nor thought it was something special, until my boyfriend told me to do something with that voice. And he arranged lessons for me, when I was about 25 years old. Until now, once in a while I take some lessons.

Singing feels good

I’ve been singing all my life, just because it feels good, to express myself, to entertain, just on my own or for an audience. In choirs, solo, as leadsinger in a band, at home, in the bathroom (of course!), at the beach, in the mountains, in churches, at parties, weddings and funerals. I sing with great joy and love to give it all (whatever it is) in a song.

Raoul Boesten, sing, singing, healthy, it's good for you
Singing with Raoul in a monastery

From August 2015 until the end of May 2019 I sing in Chamber choir Lux, founded by my favorite conductor and friend Raoul. I’ve been participating in many of his choirs and projects since he started his first choir many years ago

Getting used to it

Through the years my neighbours and colleagues got used to it and they have been (positively) commenting on my singing. Many times I’m not even really aware that I am singing, I just do it, often, everywhere, not really consciously.

Health benefits of singing

At first I tried to cancel it, but finally I showed up in a wheelchair in april 2017, just after I had broken my ankle. And although it was weird, I’m happy I did it.

singing, kamerkoorlux.nl, kamerkoor lux den haag, wheelchair, singing in a chair, sitting position when singing

I was well supported by the choir, they took care of me, lifted me up (literally as well, to get me there). It took me a year to stand, walk and feel fit enough to get back to the rehearsals.

After training all muscles, especially on the left part of my body, for months I wasn’t too busy with the fact that vocal cords are muscles as well.

That’s the next thing to do. Get it all back and sing on the level I was used to do. Or better.

It never took so much effort. Now it does, but I appreciate it a lot to be back. I mean, just every Wednesday evening I have the joy to listen to 16 men singing. Or only the sopranos, the tenors, the bass. Or only us. And singing together, improving and playing with the tones and our voices. It’s good!

Just focus on WHAT WORKS, to creation and to bringing more joy into the world. Find your way, a way, any way to EXPRESS yourself, to breath deep and to enjoy life. Singing had, by the way, a good influence on my breathing and using my voice, which is good for public speaking and for training groups.

I sing …  just because.

kamerkoor lux, singing, chamberchoir lux, jeannettevanuffelen.com
Lux in 2018