Ken je dat kerstliedje? Ooit zong ik het uit volle borst mee “Midden in de winternacht ging de hemel open”. Ik vond het prachtig, vooral de melodie.
“Die ons ’t heil der wereld bracht, antwoord op ons hopen.” Van die zin snapte ik niets, maar ik zong me er doorheen.
“Elke vogel zingt zijn lied, herders waarom zingt gij niet.” Vervolgens zong ik als tienjarige met al mijn blijheid verder. “Laat de bel, laat de trom, laat de beltrom horen.”
Maar zulke vrolijkheid voelen we vaak helemaal niet zo, midden in de winternacht. Ook niet als het kerstmis is.
Inmiddels snap ik, een paar jaar ouder, dat ‘hoe het voelt’ het gevolg is van hoe ik denk.
En ik heb ook ontdekt en ervaren hoe ik door allerlei gewoontes los te laten en andere gedachten te denken mijn leven, ook in de winter, makkelijker kan maken.
In de winterchallenge van deze week ontvang je van mij dagelijks tips.
Het kost je niets
Je kunt het doen wanneer je wilt.
Je ontvangt iedere ochtend een email. Meer niet.
Geen verplichte groepsbijeenkomsten en het is aan jou wat je ermee doet.
Op deze eerste dag van de winter challenge beginnen we met een 10 minuten durende meditatie. Kijk hier maar verder.
WIL JE DEZE WEEK MEE DOEN? Beantwoord dan deze mail met JA. Of vul het formuliertje onderaan de pagina in, waarop je net (niet) geklikt hebt. Dat is alles.
Ik wens je een mooie dag en een fijne winter!
PS De afgelopen weken heb ik mijn websites moeten herinrichten. Daar ben ik nog mee bezig. Nog niet alles werkt zoals het moet.
PSS Het boek loopt lekker en wie het leest is enthousiast, voor zover ik gehoord heb. Het is nu ook in de boekhandels te bestellen, volgens de uitgever. Misschien nog niet overal online te zien, want het is eind van het jaar altijd druk in ‘boekenland’.
Why am I resistant to change? What is holding me back, while the way I act is bothering me so much? Do I actually not want to change?
I hear this question a lot and I notice that people get angry on themselves, because ‘something’ is not changing fast enough and/or because they are repeating themselves again and again.
Maybe it is not resistance to change at all? But the question we actually should ask is: Why do so many of us want to stay in alignment with what we hold? And the answer to that might be: because it helped us to survive. This way we’re playing it safe. It might not be true that you don’t want to change, but you just want to be safe.
If you got resources inside yourself, telling you: ‘It’s not safe to be different’, those resources will keep you inline. And those resources are unconsciously. Think of a little baby that ends up in a certain structure, where it has everything to stay alive. This way of living is all it knows: This is live, this is the world, this is how it is.
Outside the (familiar) lines
And than comes a moment this child is growing up and doing something ‘different’, steps ‘outside the lines’ and gets beaten up (not literally per se, it might be just a look or a frown) by mum, dad, sister, brother, auntie, granddad; at home, on the street, at school. And when that happens (a few times) she or he will take care of staying in alignment henceforth to be safe again. This happens before and faster than we realise it.
How and when you’ve decided to stay in alignment, you forget. You just do it automatically, it’s almost an instinctive response to be safe. But there were reasons and you’ve made your conclusions. You might have been ‘cut short’ to protect you. Or you were beaten, because the one that beat you didn’t know any other way. They loved you the way they were loved. Your mother probably was very fearful herself, for whatever what reason. Do you know it? Often we don’t. And does it mean anything about you? No. However, don’t you think it’s time to let go of all this and make room for yourself, your talents, your dreams and ideals? Yes, of course you do.
It’s safe to change
The best way to change this alignment is to go to all the alignment pieces in your mind and change them one by one¹. And than, all of a sudden, you naturally start to move in a different alignment, the lines dissolve and you start to go your own direction.
When you start doing this kind of work and change your memories, you might ruin your identity completely. You will no longer be that worthless piece of shit, that good-for-nothing, pantywaist, fatty or name it, that still defines your selfimage. Your personality will change and it is possible you become more succesfull than you’ve ever dared to dream of. So be warned!
Allow yourself to see what you don’t allow yourself to see. (Milton Erickson)
You’re probably just like your mother², you act like your mother, even though you say you hate her and you’re resistant to be like her. You replay and rewatch these memories over and over again and you still believe it. And you complain about your problems, just like your mum. Or you silently drink them away, just like your dad.
You have to change the rules yourself
I don’t believe you don’t want to change, you just want to be safe. That’s why you keep on doing like everyone at home does, just like your mother.
But you can change the rules and that you have to do yourself. To change the rules means: you go to your mother and you look after her. You heal your mother, inside you. Is it really your mother? NO, your mother is not even here. That is the key. You have to address your stuff and transform whatever it is you’re holding within you, for you and against you. Because there are no broken people. And you are more than your story, your history, your body, your mind and your conclusions. So the good news is that you can change it all!
You are unlimited consciousness and at the same moment you are just a human being. Nothing special. (Why the hack should we all be special, rich, famous and happy all the time? But that’s another blog.) You’re doing a good job. You may not like the current results. If you want to change the results you’ve got to change what you holding in and start acting from a different set of rules. inside. And it’s up to you to define the rules.
¹ Cleaning up doesn’t need months. On the contrary, a lot can be done in some hours, because you don’t need to tell it all. How often have you told your stories? And did it bring you anything? Better not! In this method that’s not necessary. This works faster.
² Mother can be replaced by: father, sister, brother, teacher, etc.
Sea swimming, no matter the weather. YES, it is much easier when the weather is warm and the sea is the Pacific Ocean. But I’m happy to live close to the shore and can be at the beach in 15 minutes from my house.
The North Sea is rough and most of the time it is impossible to lay down and surrender for a swim, because you’re drawn away by the undercurrent and than it’s a hell of a job to get back. So better not try it! I’m tough in the water and not scared at all, but I know this sea and I know she’s a dangerous force.
And after they created the Sandmotor it became even worse. When it’s summer the temperature is fine. To get used to the water is always challenging, but when you’re IN it’s amazing. Even though in case it’s impossible to swim, because of the force, I love to be there.
Of course it’s nice when the sea allows you to lay down and swim and play. I respect and I fear the force of the sea. All through the years I live here, which is most of my life, we’ve been hearing and reading the news of people, drawn here. You don’t need to go deep, it’s just the force that pulls you back in and makes it impossible to reach the shore.
Not only for little children, especially strong young men have been surprised and caught.
No matter the weather
I dip and dive into the sea all through the year, even in winter when it’s freezing. I’ve learned how to prepare, what clothes to wear and how to dry myself in a fast way. And I’ve learned to walk back fast enough to get warm again on my way home, because otherwise I can’t get my feet warm anymore at all during the day. And that’s no good and no fun.
Yes, the start is difficult. Before you come to the joy part there is the body that needs to get used to the temperature.
When the sea is too strong you have to do everything slowly and you can’t just throw yourself into the cold, which I prefer; just drop myself down and surrender.
I love to swim, but when the current is strong you better stay on both legs.
Anyway, no matter the weather or what is possible or isn’t, being into the sea ALWAYS energises me and makes me feel strong and ALIVE.
And when I’m done and dry again, sometimes almost frozen, because I love the beauty, the challenge and the solitude at the beach in wintertime and tend to stay too long, I always feel GOOD and so much better than before.
Yes, the start is difficult. Before you come to the joy part there is the body that needs to get used to the temperature. When the sea is too strong you have to do everything slowly and you can’t just throw yourself into the cold, which I prefer; just drop myself down and surrender. I love to swim, but when the current is strong you better stay on both legs.
Anyway, no matter the weather or what is possible or isn’t, being into the sea ALWAYS energises me and makes me feel strong and ALIVE. And when I’m done and dry again, sometimes almost frozen, because I love the beauty, the challenge and the solitude at the beach in wintertime and tend to stay too long, I always feel GOOD and so much better than before.
More sea swimmers every year
I(t) need(s) some courage to go in the sea at home or in Norway in the winter. But nowadays we have science (whatever that means) to prove us the health benefits of challenging your body to the cold. When I was a child I remember that our family doctor was known and admired for his daily seaswimming habit.
For sure for me this is something that WORKS, so I DO IT. It’s worth the effort and so am I.
If you want to respond? You can use the box below.