To procrastinate was one of the issues why Sandra approached me online. She’d found my website and wanted work with me. After doing some online sessions I invited her to join me in the Your Inner Power summer retreat in Greece.
Because the group retreat program only happened every morning I could also offer a limited amount of private sessions in the afternoon, which Sandra did two times.
Since I’d worked with Jeannette online, the mutual trust and openness were given. So we could start right away.
Believe me, I don’t regret it!
Then in March 2020 Sandra bought the Premium Package to have an Individual Intensive Retreat. So she took an 8 hours trip by train to my town on Thursday evening and left on Sunday afternoon, to be back home in the evening, ready to work the next morning. And she’d rented an Airbnb studio in my area, from where I picked her up on Friday morning to walk to my office@home. We worked about 16 hours in 3 days. And on Saturday afternoon we had some leisure time in the old city centre.
I came to Den Haag to work with Jeannette again. Believe me, I don’t regret it. For the sessions I had prepared myself with a list of topics to work through in a certain order – admittedly the unpleasant topics at the end. Procrastinate to release the heavy stuff. But everything turned out differently. After listening to my list, Jeannette suggested to Number 1: focus on the more uncomfortable topics. And she immediately started to help me to release and let them go. I am very good at “catastrophizing” and to blow things out of proportion and make a situation worse than it really is.
Lessons learned
My lessons learned, by facing the most intense issues, right from the start: I realized it’s not as bad as I picture it in my mind. I experienced it’s such a relief not to procrastinate. Because it is so much better to do what has to be done as soon as I can. The faster I was confronted with my biggest fears, the faster I could get rid of them. Everything else on my list was easier to let go, because I’d done the most heavy stuff at first. I feel so relieved. And I am so proud of myself. Thanks to Jeannette!
When we talked beforehand on the phone I’d suggested Sandra to bring a list with what she wanted to change in her life. The Premium Package contains 20 hours, which is about 10 sessions. Which means that one session we used to prepair her Weekend Intensive and one session we left for a follow up one week after coming home. This is to check on the results, like in this case: Did you procrastinate lately?
Sandra did not procrastinate to send feedback
Before starting the sessions: it makes so much sense to talk about the list of topics first, so you can decide on which one to start
I enjoyed the structure of the session itself
The warm up you did with your question: “How would you be like?”
The actual session and the link to both outcomes
Plus the hypnotic boost on the last day
It was great, that we were flexible on the time frame of each session
Having my own space was essential
I liked our day together (the pub we went and the food we had)
Having the sessions on the floor …. good stuff!
Thank you again for the sessions! I am so happy that I have done it. I am sure, that I will come fore sessions again. Maybe this year already. My take away from last time: Having my own space is important. To be able to process everything. Share my topics and thoughts with you in the beginning. Best wishes and hugs, Sandra
In this vlog you find all information about the workshops I’m doing this summer 2019 in Greece. When you book before half of April you get 10% Early Bird discount.
Unfortunately we couldn’t go there again in the next summer(s) without risking our mental health, our physical body, our future live, because of the restrictions according to new rules. But when we do not acquiesce in this new weirdness, we CAN DO IT. If not in Greece, than wherever we are. What’s more important? Count your blessings and know who your really are. Connect to YOUR INNER POWER. We are infinite consciousness.
Read more blogs on my website about the power of the mind, perception or the influence of the way we think (unsuspecting and unconsciously) on creating stress or (consciously) releasing stress.
Or call me for a free online talk when you want to know more before you can take a decision, like: Does this suit me? How big is the group? Is it possible that … ? Et cetera.
In april 2018 ontving ik een bericht uit Northern Carolina (USA) van Richard Downs jr., waarin hij mij om hulp vroeg vanwege zijn depressies en paniekaanvallen. Hij had mij online gevonden en al mijn video’s bekeken.
Eind 2018 schreef ik een blog over Richard, dat ik uiteindelijk gebruikt heb in mijn boek.
Richard (50) is een professioneel violist en componist. Hij heeft de hele wereld rondgereisd om concerten te geven, zowel solo als in orkesten en combo’s. Hij stuurde me online een verzoek om hem te helpen. Nadat hij al mijn video’s op mijn YouTube kanaal bekeken had. Als wij met de eerste sessie beginnen is hij net vijftig geworden. Hij is helemaal vastgelopen en nauwelijks in staat om de deur uit te gaan. Hij woont weer bij zijn ouders in Noord Carolina. En hij wordt verlamd door angst en slapeloosheid.
Hij heeft paniekaanvallen en durft de deur niet uit
Hij probeert af te kicken van prozac en trazodon, maar heeft al een week helemaal niet geslapen. “Wat is jouw probleem?” vraag ik. “Intense angst, podiumvrees, faalangst, paniek, slapeloosheid”, zegt hij. “En angst voor autoriteit, zoals een dirigent.” En hij is overgevoelig voor geluid, licht, alles. “Ik wil vluchten en durf de deur niet meer uit. Ik wil van de pijn af.”
Maar hij is niet suïcidaal. Daar vraag ik meteen naar. Want van de pijn af willen is niet hetzelfde als er een eind aan willen maken. Altijd wil ik weten of hij een gevaar is voor zichzelf. “Ik voel een diep verdriet, ik huil om alles en maak me zorgen om mijn ouders. Een wanhopig gevoel van eenzaamheid, isolement. En ik ben bang dat het niet meer goed komt. En dat ik de rest van mijn leven afhankelijk zal zijn van antidepressiva en slaappillen. Van pillen die niet eens helpen.”
Tijdens de eerste gesprekken komt het verhaal eruit. Reeds op jonge leeftijd werd in Richard muzikaal talent ontdekt. Hij is de oudste zoon in een gezin, dat eind jaren zeventig uit Nicaragua naar de USA vluchtte. Zijn ouders deden alles voor zijn opleiding aan het conservatorium. Al zijn tijd en energie ging naar het viool spelen. Hij was niet alleen bang om te falen en zijn ouders teleur te stellen. Maar hij droeg ook de last op zijn jonge schouders om op te treden bij allerlei gelegenheden. En te bewijzen hoe ‘vrij en blij’ hij was in het nieuwe land, waar hij zich helemaal niet thuis voelde.
Een paniekaanval is vaak opgestapelde oude angst
De angst van een vluchtelingkind kun je niet wegspelen. Net zo min als verdriet en familietrauma’s. Al ben je nog zo’n getalenteerd wonderkind, wat hij zelf ook nog eens serieus betwijfelt. Muziek was zijn leven geworden en hij speelde wereldwijd in gerenommeerde orkesten. Na jaren op zijn tenen lopen is hij het plezier in muziek maken totaal verloren. Hij laat zijn viool al maanden links liggen. Aanvankelijk dacht hij dat het een midlife crisis was, maar de paniekaanvallen worden alleen maar erger. Hij heeft een periode flink geblowd en daar werd het niet beter van. Dit heeft een soort psychose veroorzaakt, waardoor hij panisch werd.
In acht online Skype sessies houden we grote schoonmaak. Ik leer hem tappen op pijnlijke herinneringen. En help hem trauma’s en beperkende conclusies op te ruimen. En die te vervangen door andere emoties en er een nieuwe betekenis aan te geven. Hierdoor gaat hij weer geloven in zichzelf, de wereld, het leven en zijn mogelijkheden. Omdat hij slecht slaapt en vroeg wakker is, doen we de sessies om 5 uur in de ochtend, in zijn tijdzone. Dat is om 11 uur mijn tijd. En dan slaapt de rest van zijn familie nog en kan hij ongehoord zijn verhaal doen.
Hupsakee! De straat op!
En dan komt het moment dat hij de deur uit moet. Het vermijden van een paniekaanval kost meer energie dan de confrontatie opzoeken. Exposure! Het vermijden van angstige situaties is geen oplossing. Integendeel, de angst zit in je hoofd, in je gedachtewereld. En die groeit bij gebrek aan ervaring met een andere werkelijkheid. Zoals ik al eerder vertelde: Er op af! Maar dan is het voor mij best lastig dat hij zo ver weg is.
Desondanks werkt mijn methodiek even goed online. Want alle vervolgstappen doen we allereerst in het hoofd, in verbeelding, in fantasie. Want het lichaam weet het verschil niet, dus zo kan hij het helemaal meemaken. Niet alleen in het hoofd, maar iedere stap die hij zich voorstelt voelt hij in zijn lichaam. Ja, hypnose werkt en je hoeft er niet voor te liggen of voor rond te zweven. Het werkt als je rechtop zit en klaar wakker bent. We doen het allemaal, maar meestal weten we niet dat we het doen. Ik gebruik het bewust en vertel het er ook nog eens bij.
Ik laat Richard de hele weg naar buiten eerst gedetailleerd beschrijven. Vanaf zijn voordeur laat ik hem de hele route ervaren. Wie hij waar tegenkomt als hij de trap af loopt. Waarbij ik bij alle paniek, emoties, die dat oproept, direct intervenieer. Ik geef hem bij iedere emotie instructies om te kloppen op zijn gezicht. Ik geef hem exacte aanwijzingen voor de juiste meridianen. De instructies houd ik simpel en direct. Ik noem geen meridianen of spieren, maar wijs de plek aan. Dat bevordert het lekker loslaten en werkt ontspannend.
Mijn manier van praten zorgt dat hij zich veilig voelt. Hij weet dat ik bij hem ben. Zo kan hij iedere angst herbeleven, doorleven en loslaten. Zo help ik hem de angst te vervangen door rustgevende en versterkende emoties. Ik heb hem namelijk tevoren tot in detail gevraagd waar hij gelukkig van wordt. Dus dat fiets ik erin op het juiste moment.
Paniekaanval? De dreiging zit in je hoofd
Als iemand zegt: “Als ik thuis blijf komen de muren op me af”, zeg ik: “Blijf vanavond thuis en wacht op wat er gebeurt.” Ik weet namelijk dat muren niet bewegen. Angst zit in je hoofd. Jezelf confronteren is in zulke gevallen de beste oplossing. Je moet het leven ervaren en je angst tegemoet treden. Dat was ook met Richard het geval. Ik begeleidde hem in ‘trance’ de eerste stappen het huis uit. Tijdens deze geleide ‘reis’ komt Richard in het trappenhuis de schoonmaker tegen. Een grote man, die hem vriendelijk en bemoedigend toelacht. Die man kom je niet tegen als je binnen blijft.
Of het nu werkelijk gebeurt of in ‘fantasie’ maakt niet uit. Het is een versterkende ervaring. Wij zijn online in gesprek tijdens deze wandeling, die in zijn gedachten plaatsvindt. En die hij mij vertelt. Ik ‘wandel’ met hem mee en ook in mijn gedachten ontstaan beelden. En ik bevestig alles wat hem goed doet voelen. En ik help hem alles wat hem tegenhoudt weg te kloppen. Zo veranderen we het in zijn emotionele veld.
“Alle strijd wordt eerst in de geest gestreden.”
Jeanne d’Arc
Tijdens één van zijn eerste trips buitenshuis vindt hij een baantje. Hij wordt machinist van een kindertreintje in een winkelcentrum in de buurt. Ooit zou hij hier niet opgekomen zijn en vooral angst voor de drukte ervaren. Maar nu is zijn aandacht gericht op de kinderen in het treintje, die genieten van hun ritjes. Het doet hem goed en hij wordt er zelf vrolijk van. Het lukt hem niet altijd om te gaan, maar het gaat hem steeds beter af.
Vandaag kun je alles oplossen
Na de zomer zet Richard een paar flinke stappen. Letterlijk en figuurlijk; een doorbraak. Hij pakt zijn viool weer op en aanvaardt zelfs een aanbod van het orkest, waar hij eerder in speelde. Hij is weer in staat het wat luchtiger aan te pakken. Natuurlijk ben ik heel blij met het resultaat. Ik heb hem hard geconfronteerd en hem in de modder laten zwemmen. Dat moet soms ook even. Net lang genoeg om er voor altijd uit te willen blijven.
Soms wordt hij nog door zijn angsten bevangen, maar hij weet dat hij er niet voor kan weglopen. “Recht erop af!” is mijn advies. Dat doet hij nu, soms met angst en beven.
Ongeacht hoe onze angsten ontstaan zijn, er is altijd een manier om ervan af te komen. Als je het echt wilt en verantwoordelijkheid neemt voor je eigen leven. Als je dapper genoeg bent om hulp te vragen. Richard wilde weer durven reizen en hier hebben we werk van gemaakt in de sessies. Hij is naar Mexico gevlogen, waar hij zijn vriendin ten huwelijk vroeg. Een dappere man, un hombre valiente!!
Begin 2021 omarmde hij zijn viool weer met enthousiasme. En nadat ik zijn nieuwe videoserie zag en erop reageerde, zei hij: “Yes, I have a new surge of creative energy in my being!!” Hij reist zo nu en dan weer naar de States om weer te spelen met het orkest, waar hij jaren werkte.
In zijn woorden
Tussen de sessies door schreef Richard reviews op Google en Facebook, zoals:
“Jeannette is een combinatie van kennis en geduld. En een oprechte toewijding om anderen te helpen genezen. Met haar hulp en aanmoediging ben ik op weg om mijn leven terug te krijgen! Ze is een zeer bekwaam therapeut. Ik ervoer paniek en angst voor van alles. Maar zij kon tot mij spreken op een manier die mij de moed gaf om risico te nemen en mijn angsten onder ogen te zien. En wanneer ze zag dat ik mijn best deed, maar niet meer kon, was ze zorgzaam en empathisch. Ze gaf me ruimte om mijn gedachten uit te spreken en zelfs om het oneens te zijn met haar procedures. Want ze is zelfverzekerd en bescheiden tegelijk.
Met Jeannette voelde het nooit alsof ik een sessie had met een therapeut. Zo eentje die een dogmatische serie van standaardmodellen volgt. Zij is vloeibaar, flexibel en intuïtief. Ze voelt de diepste behoefte van de cliënt en stemt daarop af. Ik ervoer haar meer als een goede vriendin, voor wie ik me moeiteloos opende met mijn diepste angsten en twijfels. Dat is nog eens een gave!”
Thank you so much my dear Jeannette! You have been there with me in the lowest … With love!
Kijk en luister naar Richard op zijn Sangeet Orkestra YouTube kanaal, waar hij alle instrumenten in zijn eigen orkest speelt.
In April 2018 I received a message from Northern Carolina (USA) from Richard Downs Jr., who was asking me for help because of his depression and panic attacks. He had found me online and watched all my videos.
When we start the first session, he has just turned fifty. He’s totally stuck and barely able to get out of the house. He lives with his parents in Northern Carolina again. And he is paralysed by fear and insomnia.
He has panic attacks and doesn’t dare to leave the house
He’s trying to quit using prozac and trazodone and hasn’t slept at all in a week. “What is your problem?” I ask. “Intense anxiety, stage fright, performance anxiety, panic, insomnia,” he says. “And fear of authority, like a conductor.” And he’s hypersensitive to sound, light, everything. “I want to flee and I don’t dare to get out of the house any more. I want to get rid of the pain.”
He’s not suicidal. I ask about that right away. Because wanting to get rid of the pain is not the same as wanting to end life. I want to know if he’s a danger to himself. “I feel a deep sadness, I cry about everything and worry about my parents. A desperate sense of loneliness, isolation. And I’m afraid that things won’t get better. And that I will depend on antidepressants and sleeping pills for the rest of my life. Pills that don’t even help.”
The story comes out during the first conversations. Musical talent was discovered in Richard at an early age. He is the eldest son in a family that fled from Nicaragua to the USA in the late 1970s. His parents did everything for his education at the conservatory. All his time and energy went into playing the violin. He wasn’t just afraid of failing and disappointing his parents. But he also carried the burden on his young shoulders to perform at all kinds of occasions. And to prove how ‘free and happy’ he was in the new country, where he did not feel at home at all.
A panic attack often is a bunch of stacked old fear
You cannot play away the fear of a refugee child. Neither grief and family traumas. Not even when you are such a talented child prodigy, which he seriously doubts himself. Music had become his life and he played in renowned orchestras worldwide. After years of walking on his toes, he has completely lost the fun in making music. He has been neglecting his violin for months. At first he thought it was a midlife crisis, but the panic attacks only get worse. He smoked weed for a while and that didn’t make it any better. It caused a kind of psychosis, which created panic.
In eight online Skype sessions we do a big cleaning. I teach him to tap on painful memories. And help him clear traumas and limiting conclusions. And replace them with other emotions and give them a new meaning. This makes him believe in himself, the world, life and its possibilities again. Because he sleeps badly and wakes up early, we do the sessions at 5 in the morning, in his time zone. That’s my time at 11 am. At that early hour the rest of his family is still asleep and he can tell his story unheard.
Back to the streets!
And then the moment comes when he has to get out on the streets. Avoiding a panic attack costs more energy than going for confrontation. Exposure! Avoiding fearful situations is not a solution. On the contrary, the fear is in your head, in your world of thoughts. And it grows due to a lack of experience with a different reality. As I said before: Go for it! Although he’s phically far away from where I am.
Nevertheless, my method works just as well online. Because we do all subsequent steps first in the mind, in imagination, in fantasy. The body doesn’t know the difference between imagination or experience, so he can experience it all. Not only in the mind, but every step he imagines he feels in his body. Yes, hypnosis works and you don’t have to lie down or float around for it. It works when you are sitting upright and wide awake. We all do it, but most of the time we don’t know we’re doing it. I use it consciously and tell it while I do it.
I help Richard subscribe all the details of the way out of the house first. From his front door I let him experience the complete route. Who he meets where when he walks down the stairs. Whereby I intervene immediately with all the panic, emotions that this evokes. I instruct him with every emotion to tap on his face. I give him exact directions for the right meridians. I keep the instructions simple and direct. I don’t name meridians or muscles, but point out the place on the right moment.
Panic attack? The fear is in your mind
If someone says, “If I stay home, the walls will come down on me,” I say, “Stay home tonight and see what happens.” I know that walls don’t move. Fear is in your head. Confronting yourself is the best solution in such cases. You must experience life and face your fear. That was also the case with Richard. I accompanied him in a ‘trance’ the first steps out of the house. During this guided ‘journey’, Richard encounters the cleaner in the stairwell. A big man, who smiles kindly and encouragingly at him. You won’t meet that man if you stay inside.
Whether it actually happens or in ‘fantasy’ doesn’t matter. It’s an empowering experience. We are talking online during this walk, which takes place in his mind and that he shares with me. I ‘walk’ with him and images also arise in my mind. And I affirm anything that makes him feel good. And I help him tap away everything that’s holding him back. That’s how we replace the images into its emotional field.
“All battles are first fought in the mind”
Jeanne d’Arc
During one of his first (real life) trips away from home, he finds a job. He becomes the driver of a children’s train in a shopping centre nearby. Once upon a time he would not have come up with this and would mainly experience fear of the crowds. But now his attention is on the children on the little train, who enjoy the ride. It works well for him to watch the excited little kids with big smiles on their faces and it cheers him up. He is not able all the time to go, but it gets better every day.
You can solve it all today
After the summer, Richard takes a few big steps. Literally and figuratively; a breakthrough. He picks up his violin again and even accepts an offer from the orchestra, which he played in before. He is able to take things a little more lightly again. Of course I am very happy with the result. I confronted him hard and made him swim in the mud. That is sometimes necessary. Just long enough to want to stay out of it forever.
Sometimes his fears still grip him, but he knows he can’t run away from them. “Go for it!” is my advice. He does now, sometimes with fear and trembling.
No matter how our fears originated, there is always a way to get rid of them. If you really want it and take responsibility for your own life. If you are brave enough to ask for help. Richard longed to be brave enough to travel again and we worked on this in the sessions. Finally he flew to Mexico, where he proposed to his girlfriend. A brave man, un hombre valiente!!!
In early 2021 he embraced his violin again with enthusiasm. And after I saw and commented on his new video series, he said, “Yes, I have a new surge of creative energy in my being!!” He travels to the States every now and then to play again with the orchestra, where he worked for years.
In his own words
Richard wrote some reviews on Google and Facebook, like:
Jeannette is a combination of compassion and clarity, knowledge, patience and a genuine commitment to help others heal. She made me feel accepted and at ease. With Jeannette’s help I got my life back! She is a very skilled therapist. I was experiencing panic and anxiety about many things and at times I could not even get out of my apartment, but she could speak to me in a way that gave me the courage to risk and face my fears and go out. She gave me room to speak my mind and even to disagree with her procedures without it being a threat to knowledge or skills as she is very confident and humble at the same time.
With Jeannette, it never felt like I was having a session with a therapist who follows a dogmatic set of cookie cutter molds, but she is fluid, flexible and intuitive. And she feels the client’s deep needs and adapts accordingly. I felt her more as a close friend with whom I could easily open to my deepest fears and doubts. Now that is quite a gift!
I feel deep gratitude for her true words and sense of humor. She has been there with me in the lowest.
Thank you so much my dear Jeannette! You have been there with me in the lowest … With love!
Richard has his own Sangeet Orkestra YouTube channel, where he plays all instruments himself. He gave me the rights to use all of his music in my videos and meditations. And I used it in audiobook version of my latest book (in Dutch).
Dreaming … I do it especially when I’m awake. My fast and creative mind sometimes makes me crazy. I tend to be impulsive, so before I really THINK it over I’m already DOING it. So one day I forced myself to take time to think it over and choose WHAT to focus on.
Dreaming … I don’t remember much of what I dream at night, but I do dream every day before I fall asleep. I daydream consciously, using autosuggestion. With specific dreams I enter the night and start the day. I make myself see it, feel it, hear it. Since I’ve been improving my self-hypnosis skills and got to know the powerful impact of the unconscious mind, I got better results. It is fun to do and consistency is key. We all do it all the time. We are creators.
Let me tell you a little personal story about dreaming
Long ago I dreamt about working in Greece and somewhere in the back of my mind I’ve been searching for the right place to realise this dream for years, without knowing that I was the one who stood in my way. 🙁
In 2015 I stumbled on a community in Northern Greece, inspired by Findhorn, the eco village in Scotland. I wanted to experience this place, so I planned to go to the Pelion peninsula, but then I was invited to come to work in Hawaii. And there I was asked to come back the next summer, so in 2016 I was in Hawaii again.
In 2017 I planned again to go to Pelion, but broke an ankle. All I had to learn that summer was accepting to sit still, heal and reflect. I painted a lot and created my Iconic Present business.
Finally in the summer of 2018, I arrived in the forest, called Σπιτι των Κενταυρων, meaning: the home of the Centaurs (/ˈsɛntɔːr, tɑːr/; Greek: Κένταυρος). The home of Chiron, the wounded healer, half man half horse, a god, a son of the titan Kronos, a brother of Zeus, a teacher of Hercules, Achilles and Jason or just a weird looking creature.
Being born under the star and the moon in Sagittarius I feel inspired by these mythical creatures, who didn’t seem to be the most easy ones to have around. They are adventurous and were known for shooting sharp on their goals. Legends say those creatures have been galloping around there. And maybe they still do? Pelion is still considered to be a healing area.
At home in the wild woods with the weird creatures
In 2019 I was in Greece for months and did the YOUR INNER POWER retreats and also cooked and cleaned and danced and did the laundry and walked and sweat and laughed and swam a lot.
The sun burns hot and the rain falls hard in this forest. Sleeping under the trees, surrounded by who knows what (scorpions, snakes and squirrels for sure) appeared to bring us strong dreams, which we sometimes do share in circle gatherings or private conversations.
Once I was told that I was laughing out loud in my sleep. We had the rain poring down during one of the workshops and I had to raise my voice to be heard above the thunder.
Next thing I knew was me standing in the long room, writing on a whiteboard, looking down at a bunch of people that looked like they could fall asleep any moment. The opposite was true! They were very involved, but I had told them to sit or lay down as comfortable as they could be, because the goal was releasing stress and letting it all go. This environment was very inspiring and in 2019 I stayed for months.
I really love Pelion and I’m sure I will go there again, but it takes more time to get there. That’s the charm of it for me as well. But also the reason I’ve chosen the Ionian islands for my next retreats. When people have only a few days you cannot make them travel for 2 days to get there and come back to an airport by train, bus and taxi.
How to relax and play when you learn something new? Here we are in the woods on mount Pelion doing my YOUR INNER POWER workshop with a bunch of lovely people from France, the United States, Italy, The United Kingdom, Greece, Scotland, Australia and myself from The Netherlands.
After living and working in Greece for 4 months in 2019 everything changed in 2020. Clients were too scared to come to me and when they came the fear of all and everything was huge. It took a while to recover from the weirdness.
In 2022 I wrote and published my second book, which was warmly received by many people. Then I lost my younger brother what was and is very painful because of the way it happened. Like he gave me a kick and made me move on faster. First I was totally stuck and then I finally got back to dreaming. I realised I lost my community again and had to do something.
I strongly believe that I am responsible for how I feel and how I live my life, no matter what happens, so I got up on my feet and made some big changes. I had to get back to the most important questions, like WHO do I want to BE and HOW do I want to live my life. Yesterday is gone. As is my dear brother. Today is all I have. There’s no guarantee of being here tomorrow. And I what if I came here with a a purpose? I need to find WHAT the heck my purpose is and just do that, so I don’t have to come back to this crazy place.
Anyway, I’m on the road again and there’s no way back. Are you one of those people who take responsibility for their own life? Are you willing to THINK and CREATE? Press the button below.
Ken je dat kerstliedje? Ooit zong ik het uit volle borst mee “Midden in de winternacht ging de hemel open”. Ik vond het prachtig, vooral de melodie.
“Die ons ‘t heil der wereld bracht, antwoord op ons hopen.” Van die zin snapte ik niets, maar ik zong me er doorheen.
“Elke vogel zingt zijn lied, herders waarom zingt gij niet.” Vervolgens zong ik als tienjarige met al mijn blijheid verder. “Laat de bel, laat de trom, laat de beltrom horen.”
Maar zulke vrolijkheid voelen we vaak helemaal niet zo, midden in de winternacht. Ook niet als het kerstmis is.
Inmiddels snap ik, een paar jaar ouder, dat ‘hoe het voelt’ het gevolg is van hoe ik denk.
En ik heb ook ontdekt en ervaren hoe ik door allerlei gewoontes los te laten en andere gedachten te denken mijn leven, ook in de winter, makkelijker kan maken.
In de winterchallenge van deze week ontvang je van mij dagelijks tips.
Het kost je niets
Je kunt het doen wanneer je wilt.
Je ontvangt iedere ochtend een email. Meer niet.
Geen verplichte groepsbijeenkomsten en het is aan jou wat je ermee doet.
Op deze eerste dag van de winter challenge beginnen we met een 10 minuten durende meditatie. Kijk hier maar verder.
WIL JE DEZE WEEK MEE DOEN? Beantwoord dan deze mail met JA. Of vul het formuliertje onderaan de pagina in, waarop je net (niet) geklikt hebt. Dat is alles.
Ik wens je een mooie dag en een fijne winter!
PS De afgelopen weken heb ik mijn websites moeten herinrichten. Daar ben ik nog mee bezig. Nog niet alles werkt zoals het moet.
PSS Het boek loopt lekker en wie het leest is enthousiast, voor zover ik gehoord heb. Het is nu ook in de boekhandels te bestellen, volgens de uitgever. Misschien nog niet overal online te zien, want het is eind van het jaar altijd druk in ‘boekenland’.
Why am I resistant to change? What is holding me back, while the way I act is bothering me so much? Do I actually not want to change?
I hear this question a lot and I notice that people get angry on themselves, because ‘something’ is not changing fast enough and/or because they are repeating themselves again and again.
Maybe it is not resistance to change at all? But the question we actually should ask is: Why do so many of us want to stay in alignment with what we hold? And the answer to that might be: because it helped us to survive. This way we’re playing it safe. It might not be true that you don’t want to change, but you just want to be safe.
If you got resources inside yourself, telling you: ‘It’s not safe to be different’, those resources will keep you inline. And those resources are unconsciously. Think of a little baby that ends up in a certain structure, where it has everything to stay alive. This way of living is all it knows: This is live, this is the world, this is how it is.
Outside the (familiar) lines
And than comes a moment this child is growing up and doing something ‘different’, steps ‘outside the lines’ and gets beaten up (not literally per se, it might be just a look or a frown) by mum, dad, sister, brother, auntie, granddad; at home, on the street, at school. And when that happens (a few times) she or he will take care of staying in alignment henceforth to be safe again. This happens before and faster than we realise it.
How and when you’ve decided to stay in alignment, you forget. You just do it automatically, it’s almost an instinctive response to be safe. But there were reasons and you’ve made your conclusions. You might have been ‘cut short’ to protect you. Or you were beaten, because the one that beat you didn’t know any other way. They loved you the way they were loved. Your mother probably was very fearful herself, for whatever what reason. Do you know it? Often we don’t. And does it mean anything about you? No. However, don’t you think it’s time to let go of all this and make room for yourself, your talents, your dreams and ideals? Yes, of course you do.
The best way to change this alignment is to go to all the alignment pieces in your mind and change them one by one¹. And than, all of a sudden, you naturally start to move in a different alignment, the lines dissolve and you start to go your own direction.
My life is normal, this is what I’ve always been like, according to me right now. But somewhere I do remember that I used to be different and that I had problems. Because today my essence is different than before and that’s the result of clearing up old beliefs about myself, the world and live. Oh yes, I’ve changed. I am lovelier, funnier and easier. And so is my live. Somedays it’s just live and that’s fine as well.
When you start doing this kind of work and change your memories, you might ruin your identity completely. You will no longer be that worthless piece of shit, that good-for-nothing, pantywaist, fatty or name it, that still defines your selfimage. Your personality will change and it is possible you become more succesfull than you’ve ever dared to dream of. So be warned!
Resistant or fear of being happy?
Allow yourself to see what you don’t allow yourself to see. (Milton Erickson)
You’re probably just like your mother², you act like your mother, even though you say you hate her and you’re resistant to be like her. You replay and rewatch these memories over and over again and you still believe it. And you complain about your problems, just like your mum. Or you silently drink them away, just like your dad.
I don’t believe you don’t want to change, you just want to be safe. That’s why you keep on doing like everyone at home does, just like your mother.
But you can change the rules and that you have to do yourself. To change the rules means: you go to your mother and you look after her. You heal your mother, inside you. Is it really your mother? NO, your mother is not even here. That is the key. You have to address your stuff and transform whatever it is you’re holding within you, for you and against you. You’re not broken. You are more than your story, your history (herstory), more than your body, more than your mind and conclusions. You can change it all.
You are unlimited consciousness and at the same moment you are just a human being. Nothing special. (Why the hack should we all be special, rich, famous and happy all the time? But that’s another blog.) You’re doing a good job. You may not like the current results. If you want to change the results you’ve got to change what you holding in and start acting from a different set of rules. inside. And it’s up to you to define the rules.
¹ Cleaning up doesn’t need months. On the contrary, a lot can be done in some hours, because you don’t need to tell it all. How often have you told your stories? And did it bring you anything? Better not! In this method that’s not necessary. This works faster.
² Mother can be replaced by: father, sister, brother, teacher, etc.
DAY 294 What started as my 100 DAYS OF HEALING TOUR appeared to become a much longer and still ongoing tour. Yes, I’m an optimist. And I choose to always be one.
Without realising it, I landed back on Cyprus exactly 9 months after my departure. What am I doing here? For one reason or another I had to get back here just for a while, before the end of the year.
Warm seaswimming in December
On March 15 this year at Larnaka Airport I was brought in a wheelchair to the airplane and with a chunk of plaster on my leg I hopped into the craft. For a while I have considered to have myself carried by such a Greek God, but actually the situation itself already was crazy enough. On December 15 lately I stepped out of the plane totally autonomic and walked with my little suitcase into the sunlight again.
In the term in between I went through an expeditiously development that changed my life in all aspects. While until then I was a mediocre runner, everlasting continuer and succesful runaway, a complicated ankle fracture forced me to sit still. And in that stillness progress on all levels arised; physically, mentally and spiritually. Probably in reversed order, so spiritually, mentally and physically.
Today we finally did our delayed walk in the Troödos mountains,the plan we had on the 2nd of March, when Elia came to pick me up. But I dropped off the stairs, so in stead of to the mountains she brought me linea recta to the hospital.
I still limp and feel pain every day, but I have to confess that I wouldn’t have missed the lapse. I was unstopable and this tumble made me taking time to stand (sit) still for who I am and what I really want.
There where you stumble your biggest treasure is burried. (Paulo Coelho)
Walk in Troödos Mountains with Elia Stephanidou
Life is an adventure and I am a wanderer, a therapist and an artist. Once I thought I had to choose, but this year made it clear to me that I’m allowed to be all and that as an (icon) painter ánd as a therapist I can be productive and groovy.
Within one month the titanium framework will be taken out of my ankle. This has made the walking quite nasty until now and the doctor foretells me not to count on too much improvement, but I take the chance.
I will focus the coming year particularly on individual intensives and retreats, in which fundamental changes will be effectuated fast. I’ve already started this in the past months.
I know what I’m good at and I know what I love to do the most. And only that I will do the coming year.
I wish you all good, lots of love & progression in the new year!
DAY 94 Today is the day I’m going to stride into the sea. At least, that’s the plan.
I drive to a beach where I remember the nearest parking places and shortest path to the sea, because they have no real dunes there and that’s why it’s the most dangerous part of the Dutch shore. Every disadvantage has its benefit. 😉 BUT since the last time I was here it’s all changed to parking only for licencees, which I’m not. I choose to park illegal today (at the car park of the hotel I used to do my seminars some years ago) and the path is much longer than I remembered. It’s a painful walk, up to the dunes and down to the beach followed by a bumpy trip through the sand to the water. My knee and ankle are very stiff and the ligaments seem too short to stretch.
I take of my shoes and feel the cold soothing water caressing my feet. They’ve missed it, I’ve missed it. Standing in the surf, the wet sand adapts around the shape of my feet soft and easy, but the pull is strong as usual, so I take care to keep my balance. This feels so good! Big Smile. I would like to, but don’t dare to sit on the sand, because I’m not so sure of being able to rise with no support except the crutch, which I’m pushing into the sand a little too easy. After some time standing and walking carefully into the sea, with my three legs, I start walking back.
I’m healthy. I’m healing myself. My legs are fine. I love my ankles. My feet are strong. I walk steady and stable. I’m very flexible and so are my legs. I am infinite healing power.
Before every step I watch the sand and choose a spot where I can put my toes deeper than my heel, to limit the pressure and pain on the tendon of Achilles. I guess this way of walking looks like crazy and I laugh when I watch myself from above. It’s like I’m climbing a mountain, using my crutch like a hook and pulling myself upwards. Although it hurts I love to be walking barefoot in the sand. A girl asks me if I need help and I thank her very much for her kindness. I take a coffee at the beachclub, get back into my shoes, walk to my car and drive home. Lovely to be out in nature and happy to be back home in my silent space. PEACE.
DAY 77 Every morning at awakening there’s that moment, where I move myself, feel and think: “Oh yes, that leg.” That stiff leg. Not that painful anymore, but that nasty uncomfortable feeling which I don’t get used to. In the night I’ve forgotten it all, happily, but when I wake up there is the constraint of the body. I try my best and give a twist to my thoughts: three weeks ago I wasn’t able to stand, had a cast around it, had to lay on my back. And 77 days ago my foot was a wound, with broken bones, torn ligaments and a lot of pain. Now only my leg is stiff and painful, but as good as whole. The bone is beautiful! The skin is gorgeous. The scarfs on both sides are thin lines, almost the same colour as the rest of the skin. I can turn on both sides, don’t need extra pillows anymore and I can even lay on my belly, sometimes.
Laying in bed I move my feet. Stretching backwards and curving toes, than bending up front and curling up. Not a nice feeling, but nothing compared to the pain at March 2. I succeed much more in doing this then just after the cast was taken off. I let my right foot join in, flexible and painless. I can be frustrated by thinking how easy and flexible it was, but I choose to admire my left foot for the beautiful recovery and progress.
With a crutch I waggel to the bathroom. It asks courage to stand on it again. And I say loudly to myself: “You can stand on it.” That’s what the fysiotherapist also says, but I tend to forget it, I tend to spare it when it hurts, but now I can stand on it. Going towards the pain is always better than pulling away from it. Avoiding never solves anything, it only delays and than you’re carrying it with you for longer. I can do it and I do it.
Showering while I’m standing is nice. I switch off the warm tap and leave my left leg under the cold shower until I’ve dried the rest of me. Sitting on a stool I dry my feet and walk back to my bedroom. It feels like summer so I put on my blue flower dress, bought in Honolulu. After my breakfast with Cypriot coffee I go out. Flip, my cat, comes with me.
I walk very consiously, try to lean on the crutches as less as possible and as much as possible on my feet, rolling of my feet at every step. I watch and feel how I do that with my right foot. I never pay attention to this. What actually is normal walking, how does it work? If you can do something and you do it naturally you don’t pay attention to it anymore. I’m on the road for about 45 minutes and I walk almost one kilometer. Meanwhile I check at the newborn in the neighbourhood; gooses, coots, lambs.
Every morning I meet at least one stranger on the go, who asks me if I can manage and what has happened to me. I tell them I broke my ankle and that last month I wasn’t able to walk at all and now I’m walking outside. And that I’m very happy about that and so it’s going a little better every day. Yes, it hurts. Or someone walks by, doesn’t ask for details, but wishes me the best. People smile friendly at me or nodd at me engouraging. What a beautiful neighbourhood I live in with such kind people.
I feel vulnerable, but because of all these kind people around me I feel protected when making my first fragile steps. I experience compassion and encouragement. And I focus on my progression and on how good it feels to walk here so calm and consciously. To have the time and to take the time. And to be totally in the here and now.
It is only 11 in the morning. I’m writing my blog, while I’m sitting with both bare feet in the sun. For Mothersday I got lavander oil and now I’m going to massage my feet with it and than just lay in the sun for awhile. Here and now. Don’t worry. Be happy.
